ON THE COUCH: Shocking Confessions of a Self-Made Millionaire: You Halfing Your Way With Success?

ON THE COUCH: Shocking Confessions of a Self-Made Millionaire: You Halfing Your Way With Success?

We all want what we want and we want to get it when we want it. But, the Billion-dollar question is: How are you going about getting what you want? There is a lot of info out there about what to do to get what you want, but not much out there about the way to go about doing it successfully.

If you are not having your way with success, then most likely you are “Halfing” your way with success. What this means is that you most likely are denying and delaying yourself the success that you so badly want by not applying all of you to the process of attaining your goal.

There are endless numbers of reasons why one may consciously or subconsciously choose to go about achieving their goal using half way measures. But, rather than undergoing laborious psychological analysis, I’ve found that setting and executing on esteemable action steps will, more quickly and effectively, heal whatever is causing you to give half-hearted effort in attaining success.

Assuming that you are doing what you want to be doing or are minimally doing something that is compatible with what you ultimately want to do (i.e. is a smart stepping stone advancing you forward to your ultimate destination/destiny), then the half-measured approach you’re taking is merely a result of not yet being informed on the way to go about success.

To have what you want, within the time frames that you want it, avoid half-measures at all costs. Instead, give it your all by applying the totality of who you are to the process of executing on your plan to achieve success.

Have Your Way with Success by Being “All in It to Win It” by Being:

1.Honest with yourself. If you are half-heartedly  doing anything, be it a job, relationship, etc. then it’s time to reevaluate why you’re not “all in it to win it”. If you are not all in, then you can’t expect to achieve joy, contentment and success. Rather, you can expect problems to arise. Half-measures equal failure. Get proactive and get all in or get out otherwise I can assure you the other party will do it for you.

2. Emotionally connected to what you are doing. If you aren’t feeling happy, excited, pumped or joyful about what you are doing, then the disconnect will show up as problems that can result in temporary or even permanent failure. Find the happy in what you are doing, connect with and express it.

3. Intellectually, creatively and/or mentally stimulated. Half-measures are caused by lack of mental stimulation. If you aren’t being stretched and excited about how you can grow, revolutionize or innovate, then you’ll be lacking a key piece of what you’ll need to succeed.

4. Physically fit for success. The power of healthy food, exercise and sleep is way underrated in the formula for achieving success. A healthy body is a healthy mind and both are needed to achieve lasting success.

5. Tapped into faith. Achieving super sized success requires courage. Courage comes from having the faith that as long as you back faith with action, success is inevitable. Faith allows you to have the conviction, strength, tenacity and fearlessness to go “all in.” Find the source of faith that inspires and motivates you the most.

The first step to success is committing yourself to go ALL IN.  Conversely, the first step to failure is accepting half-measures.  What will you choose?

In closing my shocking confession: I wanted to make money. I wanted to keep the expensive sports car I was driving. Yet, I was unemployed. I saw a sales job posting that came with a large salary. I went on the interview and was immediately hired. I can’t tell you how uninspired I was at this job. Nothing about it was creative, innovative, cutting edge, motivational, inspirational or aspirational.  Now, I’m a total achiever, and yet here I was clocking in and out only barely doing what I had to do to get paid. I was sleep walking through this job. I’d never done that before.  Then, one day it finally really scared me because I was not being myself—I was actually feeling like I was becoming dumbed down. I was losing my mojo by just idly sitting by and banking bucks. Oddly, nobody seemed to notice, but I did. And, I knew eventually the boss would too. Once I had that sudden epiphany, I never went back. I learned that the security of a “sure thing” that doesn’t inspire my full engagement, isn’t security or success at all. You can’t find success where you are if you aren’t all there.

ON THE COUCH: Shocking Confessions of a Self-Made Millionaire: Crushing It with Criticism

ON THE COUCH: Shocking Confessions of a Self-Made Millionaire: Crushing It with Criticism

Criticism is an engine for either success or failure. As with every circumstance in life, one has the option of converting the experience into an advantage or a disadvantage; a personal asset or a liability.

Nobody really enjoys criticism. It can be a very uncomfortable experience. But, for the high achiever, it becomes an asset in their quest to take their success to the next level.

Achievers understand that in order to progress they need to continue to put themselves out there in order to make an impact. With that ever widening output of energy, comes the opportunity to be seen, heard and judged. It takes courage, definiteness of purpose and a grand passion to make a difference, in order to put yourself out there, butt naked for the world to see.

Being criticized is a sign that you are indeed putting yourself out there. You’re going for the gold. Conversely, if you are fearful of criticism, you may be avoiding doing what you inherently know needs to be done in order for you to take yourself to the next level of growth in your life.

Whether you are putting yourself out there and feeling the heat of criticism or you are fearing the criticism and are stuck in a rut, below are the top five ways to crush it with criticism.

Five Ways to Convert Criticism into Competitive Advantage and a Long-Term Personal Asset:

  1. Accept it as Necessary for Personal Growth:
    Change only comes when we are pushed outside of our comfort zone. Criticism does just that. It provides us an opportunity to take personal stock of our ideas, actions, habits and behaviors and make necessary adjustments in order to grow and become better equipped to achieve the success desired. And, in that stock taking process, a greater strength, confidence and determination takes root furthering your ability to achieve your goal.
  1. Act Don’t React:
    Avoid the immediate knee jerk reaction to defend yourself or go on the offensive. Reacting comes from fear and not from faith in yourself, your ideas, ideals, etc. and will only derail you from the ability to seize the positive opportunity inherent in the criticism. Overreacting will cause criticism to become a disadvantage and liability in your quest for success.
  1. Feel Your Feelings, but Don’t Allow Them to Paralyze You:
    Hey, we are human beings having a human experience. Our feelings sometimes get hurt when we hear something that we interpret as negative about ourselves, our life or our work. Deal with those feelings quickly and effectively by taking a quiet time out to reflect, engaging in a positive stress busting activity like physical exercise or talking your feelings out with someone who you know is safe for you to share your feelings with.
  1. Engage in Rational Analysis:
    Once you are in a calm non-reactive state, take an honest, rational appraisal at the criticism received and decide what, if any, is food for positive modification, shift or change.  The goal here is to be open minded enough to the possibility that there may be gold to mine from the criticism received. Keeping in mind that you are never going to satisfy everyone nor is everyone going like you, respect or admire you. Changing merely to people please over sticking to your values and goals is a set-up for future failure.
  1. Make Friends with Criticism:
    Begin the process of making criticism your friend by understanding that the amount of criticism received is a measure of how effective you’re being at putting yourself out there and the degree of impact you are making in order to achieve your goal.

If your goal is to avoid criticism, then in the words of Aristotle,
“There is only one way to avoid criticism: Do nothing, Say Nothing, Be Nothing.” Aristotle

In closing, my shocking confession: I was so shocked when I was being criticized in an open environment as a liar, thief and a fraud. It wasn’t just a verbal attack. The parties misappropriated photos, articles and even used a covert video taken of me to “support” their allegations of my shoddy character. I was being dragged through the mud for the persons aim of financial gain. After my initial outrage, sadness set in. I was saddened that people could do this—cause harm for their unfair or unwarranted gain. It was a long drawn out ordeal. But, what I learned from the experiences was invaluable. I learned to stand up for myself, my rights and not give in to fear. I learned not to hate or retaliate, no matter what, because you just don’t know what the people on the other side have gone through that has made them the way they are. I realized, the more you forgive the freer you become. Also, that the more success you have, the more you are exposed to those who want to capitalize on your hard work and success.  Lastly, I’ve learned to be grateful for the success achieved rather than embittered by the challenges that come along with it.

ON THE COUCH: Shocking Confessions of a Self-Made Millionaire: Don’t Make Decisions…

ON THE COUCH: Shocking Confessions of a Self-Made Millionaire: Don’t Make Decisions…

What !#@! Don’t make decisions? Now, how can that possibly be sound success advice? Let me tell you how too much decision making can afflict you with decision making madness disorder (I just made that up), but, it’s true! Too much decision making can deplete your brain power and cause you to suffer from decision fatigue. When your brain is in decision making overload it adversely affects your judgement, creativity and stamina. Not good for achieving your goals.

The question then begs to be answered — how then does one make all the many decisions that an entrepreneur must make without becoming victim of brain drain, losing focus and distancing one’s self from achieving their goals?

Here are the Top Five Strategies to Avoid Decision Fatigue:

1. Keep It Simple:
Get in the habit of not overly stressing about things that aren’t directly related to accomplishing your goal. Many people overly stress about their clothes, the right business card style, every single word in a speech, etc. Essentially, becoming obsessed with perfection and minutiae. Over-perfectionism will delay your time lines to success. Keeping it simple also applies to minimalism. To become super successful, less stressed, and avoid decision fatigue, strive for minimalism in all areas of your life. Less is more!

2. Use Discernment:
Each and every day we are confronted with many decisions that need to be made. The successful person knows how to prioritize decision making. Avoid becoming involved in any unnecessary or frivolous decision making. Be honest with yourself when you find yourself becoming mired in unimportant decision making (which color legal paper you are going to buy). It may be a sign you are avoiding an important, yet uncomfortable, decision that needs to be made or you are avoiding going for your goal all together.

3. Empower Not Disempower:
High achievers are naturally adept at problem solving and everyone around you is keenly aware of your ability to problem solve, take action and make decisions. And, they want your help to do the same for them. As achievers and entrepreneurs, we always want to go the extra mile for our families, friends, clients and coworkers. But, over-doing or doing what they are fully capable of doing for themselves, is not being of service. Rather than empowering them to achieve the results they want (and the self-esteem that goes along with it), it disempowers them. And, it also causes you brain drain.

4. Learn to Say No:
The best mentor I’ve ever had in my life taught me a very valuable lesson. She told me “Linda, no is a complete sentence. Practice it.” To avoid decision making fatigue, learn to say no — period. End of sentence. You do not have to give a defensive speech as why you’re saying no. Super successful people are very discerning with their time and energy. And, it’s not just from a time-management standpoint. It’s also from a Brain management standpoint.

They know they need to conserve their mental, physical, emotional and spiritual energy for what can positively contribute to outcomes in their own lives, others and the world.

5. Stay Focused on Your Master Goal:
For every single decision you need to make ask yourself these two very important questions 1) Is this decision going to take me closer to accomplishing my goal or further away from it? 2) Is this decision going to support my values or violate them?
If the answer to either is the latter, then you know it is not a sound decision and avoiding making an unsound decision will keep you on track to attain your goal and from going down a dark hole of having to make a whole bunch of future damage control decisions.

The super successful and super rich know that decision making fatigue is real. They create habits to avoid it to keep them on the path of productivity, innovation and success. President Obama for example says “You’ll see I wear only grey or blue suits. I’m trying to pare down decisions. I don’t want to make decisions about what I’m eating or wearing. Because I have too many other decisions to make.” And, Mark Zuckerberg is a well-known advocate of avoiding early morning frivolous decision making which he says leads him to making better decisions on things that really matter throughout the day.

In closing my shocking confession: I was an intern as a Marriage, Family, Child Counselor because my dream was to help people. I was so shocked when I learned I couldn’t help every person that came through my door. I learned that some people weren’t really ready to be helped and that I had to know when I was helping or actually hurting their chances of success. I quickly got myself into CODA (Codependency Anonymous) and learned how not to be an enabler. In order to help, I had to focus on taking on those who were willing to help themselves. I learned that saying “no” is sometimes the most compassionate thing to do in honor of being of service, both to others and to myself.