ON THE COUCH: Shocking Confessions of a Self-Made Millionaire:  The LOVE of Success: The Top I Do’s of Making Success You’ll Love.

ON THE COUCH: Shocking Confessions of a Self-Made Millionaire: The LOVE of Success: The Top I Do’s of Making Success You’ll Love.

Everyone consciously or subconsciously is hoping, wishing and dreaming of having success. But, all to often, in their wildest dreams of success, they neglect to add into the dream criteria that the success be one that will make them feel happy, joyous, free and loving the life they’ve created.

All too frequently, I bear direct witness to those who have created material success and yet have lost that loving feeling for what they’re doing, and that discontent permeates all areas of their lives adversely affecting the quality of their lives, including their ability to be clear and present for LOVE.

“If today were the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?” ~Steve Jobs (1955-2011)

Here Are the Seven I Do’s to Creating a Life You’ll Love:

1. Only Engage in Activities that Enhance the Quality of Your Life: In your eagerness to attain success, don’t neglect to take reasonable time out to analyze each opportunity that presents itself to you. Grabbing onto everything and anything that comes your way will only push out your time to success and more importantly, will fail to deliver you a successful quality of life.

2. Don’t Become Too Hungry for Success: Too hungry for success means you will go to any lengths to get what you want. This is often the downfall of many entrepreneurs. It’s when they start making too many sacrifices to get ahead and make mistakes. It often means lowering one’s standards, which results in less than desirable results in all areas of one’s life.

3. Be Discerning Who You Partner With: This applies to all areas of one’s life. If any partnership isn’t one which enhances the quality of your life and inspires you to grow; then it simply isn’t going to nurture you, your success or your happiness. Partnerships should be energizing and not draining.

4. Be Willing to Say No and Walk Away: After seeing warning signs that something isn’t working out and rationally assessing the situation, be courageous in letting go and in trusting that something more in alignment with your values and goals will replace it. Long term success is achieved when you know where and when to cut your losses by giving something up that realistically doesn’t serve to preserve both your wealth and well-being.

5. Have a Clear Definition of Success: Understand that sustainable success is a balanced achievement of wealth and well being through consistently living the truth of your values. Regularly ask yourself if the opportunity in front of you supports the truth of your core values and your overall health, wealth and well being and if it doesn’t –don’t go there.

6. Have Outside Interests: Success is achieved and sustained when one has a balanced life through consistently, healthfully engaging in the four corner stones of success: Mental, Physical, Financial and Spiritual. Overworking creates a out of balance dynamic which only brings dissatisfaction to you and those around you.

7. Have a Relationship with a Higher Power: A life without faith is at peril. Life is constantly filled with change and challenge. To move through them successfully, one needs optimal clarity, calm and courage that only a power greater than oneself can deliver. A faith filled practice provides answers that can’t be accessed without divine inspiration.

 A successful life is one that is filled with love. The love of what you’re doing, who you are sharing your time and energy with, who you’re serving and inspiring and who’s inspiring you. If you’ve lost that loving feeling, it’s time to reconnect to your heart and soul. Then, go out and boldly commit to love again– more deeply–more richly.

 In Closing My Shocking Confession: I had just left an 8-year marriage. It was a tough decision. I’m a fiercely loyal, long term player. The reality of my husband’s inability to be present to himself or to me was one that could no longer be ignored. I tried to fix him because I wanted him to be happy and successful. I was young and back then I thought I could fix those who didn’t want to be fixed. He didn’t want to give up the behaviors that kept him underachieving in all areas of his life. I had to let go. This one experience taught me going forward to see every relationship opportunity for the truth of what it is in it’s present “as is” condition and to assess it for its ability to enhance the quality of my own life and hence the lives of those around me. It also taught me that if I’m not clear about myself, my values and commit 100% to living my truth in every and all circumstances, then I will not be able to live a successful life or lead others to one.

Why Your Definition of Success Is Broken And Keeping You From Success

Why Your Definition of Success Is Broken And Keeping You From Success

This article originally published on Forbes.com

We’ve all been told and conditioned to believe that success is whatever you define it to be. The great untold truth is that this is a misguided directive that has prevented a huge percentage of the population from achieving sustainable success.

In my coaching practice, I regularly ask my new clients what their definition of success is. The most common response is a big pause and then an impromptu answer. The second most common response is a nebulous, non-specific one. For example:

Coach: “Can you please tell me what your definition of success is?”

Client: “Happiness”

Coach: “What does happiness mean to you?”

Client: “Feeling fulfilled”

Coach: “What fulfills you?”

Client: “Having a lot of money?”

I think you get the unclear picture presented. There is one hardcore fact about achieving success that I’ve learned. If you can’t clearly and specifically define it, you’re either going to:

1. Not achieve it.

2. Take the long, slow road to get there.

3. Not be able to sustain it if you, by chance, achieve some.

I remember as a young entrepreneur starting out, I was determined to become “successful,” and I thought I’d better be clear on society’s definition of success. I consulted the go-to resource for the answer. I grabbed my Merriam-Webster dictionary, and this is what it said:

a: degree or measure of succeeding
b:
 favorable or desired outcome; also: the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence

Upon reading the definition, I felt disheartened and confused. How could success be caught up in fame, respect or money? It just didn’t feel right. So, I kept researching. I then came across a famous success expert’s definition. In his book Born to Win!, Zig Ziglar says that success cannot be defined in one sentence, but instead it is comprised of many things.

Now I was really confused. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why there wasn’t a clear, specific and universal definition of success that was one-size-fits-all. Why was there so much lack of clarity on the meaning of success?

In my personal journey of overcoming life-threatening health challenges, financial adversity and spiritual tests — and then becoming a self-made multimillionaire, medaled amateur athlete and coach to people from all walks of life, from main street to Wall Street, gang members, cons and ex-cons — I discovered the true and singular definition of success, the one that is indeed the one-size-fits-all definition. It’s the one definition that, if used collectively by society, would help us achieve success more rapidly and sustainably.

So, here it goes: Success is defined as a balanced achievement of wealth and well-being through consistently living the truth of ones’ grace-inspired values.

A broken definition of success is one that does not take a holistic approach. It leaves out some aspect of the whole person. The whole person is:

1. Physical

2. Mental

3. Spiritual

4. Financial

5. Emotional

Does fame provide nourishment to the whole person? Does accomplishing one singular goal? Does wealth cover all aspects? No. Only a balanced achievement of wealth and well-being can do that. And, one can only accomplish that balance through consistently living the truth of their values. If not, the “success” is at risk of failing. I could go into a multitude of real-life stories of people who achieved some aspect of success and then lost it because they either compromised their values or, through not knowing their core values, failed to prioritize living them out in all their decision making.

How do you start to clearly and specifically define what wealth, well-being and your values are? First, ask yourself these two essential questions:

1. What is the most important thing in the world to you?

2. Why is it the most important thing to you?

Answering these two questions will start you on the path to clearly understand what innate forces drive you so that you can craft a picture of what a balanced achievement of wealth and well-being looks like — one that supports your core needs and provides you with fulfilling and sustainable success. After decades of success coaching and working with both individuals and corporations, I’ve discovered that every single goal anyone goes after is an attempt to fulfill only one of two things: security or recognition.

When defining success and goal-setting, take your whole person into account, know your core values, understand what’s important to you and understand that you’re always either seeking security or recognition. Make sure that all you seek is grounded in humility rather than ego to ensure you’ll achieve sustainable “success,” as defined as a balanced achievement of wealth and well-being.